im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
