I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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