According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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