just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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