Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
