that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
