He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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