You're my little dorito
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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