Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
