ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
