Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize