It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
