You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
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