i barfeds in our rink
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Randomize
