After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
