I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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