I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
