its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
worst night to have a conscience
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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