i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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