rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
