If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We named our party play list daddy issues
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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