I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
