even my farts smell like vagina
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
