I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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