am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
