don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
