the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
