btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
