it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize