ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
