We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My ass is underappreciated
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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