Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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