Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My ATM looks so different sober.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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