I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
