And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
