watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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