I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
