So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
