oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
