I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
