when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I need help removing her.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
