my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
