whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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