Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sext me about skeletons
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
