You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
