I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
