when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I pour the whiskey from now on
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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