It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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