Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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