i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
