My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize