If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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