So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize