dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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