he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
