another moral hangover. fuck.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
