can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
God I need to hump something, right now.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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