apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
