I love black thongs
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
