I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize