I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
