dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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