I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
