carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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