Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
