It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
