My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
