Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
