so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
so much tequila, so little girl.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
