Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
