It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
