Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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