Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
